Descendents Hypercaffium Spazzinate


"Dear Dr Mooz, 

Thank you for providing my lab with Chemical X; I have been using it to further my studies on pharmacological enhancement of fast twitch muscle (FTM) performance. I would like to briefly inform you about some recent astounding results I have achieved in my lab, using Chemical X as the reactant for the synthesis of a novel stimulant with dramatic effects on FTM performance.

Through a serendipitous event, I discovered that the effects of X on FTM performance could be enhanced by mixing X with a solution of pure caffeine. Upon mixing the two, a violent exothermic reaction takes place - oftentimes causing a dangerous explosion. This lead me to hypothesize that a novel compound was being formed, and I have recently confirmed this by purifying the compound and testing it in our assay. I call this novel compound Hypercaffium Spazzinate. When subjects are dosed with it, their FTM performance is the highest I have ever seen."

-Dr Milo J. Aukerman 

The entry above is an excerpt taken from the correspondence between Dr Mooz and Dr. Milo, and helps bring everyone up to speed on the current happenings with Hypercaffium Spazzinate - the next coffee collaboration between Dr Milo's band, Descendents and caffeine experts, Dark Matter Coffee. It's no secret that DMC's high level of flavor packed caffeine is known to give exothermic and collective effervescent experiences when consumed, even in small doses.

When the good Dr, Milo that is, gave us a call to help replicate the mysterious "Chemical X", we gladly accepted the challenge! The one catch? We can't tell you exactly what makes "Chemical X", but have faith, we have never let you down! 

The composition of this secret blend will be a melange of barrels and central american coffees. The barrels range from beer barrels to spirit barrels, the coffees are from El Salvador and Guatemala. These beans have been warped and changed so profoundly by the barrel process that they are virtually unrecognizable to what they were before. We would love to list every barrel, every distinct origin and cultivar but again, this is a top secret blend! We formulated a blend utilizing barrel sweetness, with a stark contrast of flavors. An incredibly intense and unfamiliar surge will immediately rush through your body. This burst is deemed Hypercaffium Spazzinate and will make the coffee drinker reexamine the idea of roast and carmelization in coffee.

Due to the high complexity of this blend, we are inviting everyone to not invest all of your emotion on the first sipfirst sip is for acclamation, second sip is for foundation, and the third sip is for examination. (Same concept as when drinking espresso.) With milk, this coffee will open up and taste like an "adult hot chocolate". 

Notes: Toasted Marshmallow, Cocoa Nibs, Star Anise, Orange Peel, Vanilla Bean
Net Wt. 12oz

*** Sold as whole bean by default. If you would like it ground, please indicate your preference in the notes section – drip, espresso, or press. 

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